My Uncle Frederick had a ear
Made entirely of brass.
And whenever the wind blew from the south,
It whistled Sailing on the Clyde.
This was all very well during the summer,
But in the winter, when the gales blew hard,
He sounded like a steam locomotive.
Entering a very long tunnel.
—Frederick! my aunt would yell.
—Turn your head to the wall, you’re keeping the canary awake!
But Frederick could not help it. The brass ear had its own ideas. It didn’t listen to conversations; instead, it intercepted radio broadcasts from ships at sea. Once, during a soup course, Uncle Frederick suddenly stood up and shouted:
—Bring round the lifeboat, the tea-cozy has sprung a leak!
Eventually, we had to put a small woollen sock over it. It didn’t stop the whistling, but it did muffle the ship announcements, which was a relief to the canary, who had begun trying to learn morse code with its beak.